Rules for recruits at THE U

[flipflop]

Three major rules for football recruits at the University of Miami. (Courtesy of John Brandon at ESPN)

1. Treat the escorts with respect. An escort is still somebody's daughter. Take them out for something to eat, perhaps some Aussie Cheese Fries. Make sure they've got a way to get home safe at the end of the night and don't ever call them hookers.

2. Change the oil in your Escalade every 3,000 miles. I know you'll be busy, with practice and yachting and with the escorts and all, but you were not raised so you could neglect proper automobile maintenance.

3. Don't spend your whole cash payment at one gun shop. Once you get in there and see the guns in person and hold them in your own hands, you'll want to own each and every one, but make a simple rule and stick by it: One gun per paycheck.