Go Back   Cigar Weekly Community Forums and Discussion Groups > Smoking Post > Cigar Reviews

Cigar Reviews This room is for organized blind reviews, individual reviews by CW Members and reviews entered into the database that the Editors feel are particularly well done.

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 02-04-2002, 09:57 PM   #1
JinE
Member
 
JinE's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: War Eagle Country, Alabama
Posts: 302
The Cigar: New Cubana Unknown Vitola
Grade: Q+

http://www.mindspring.com/~jine/New_Cuba.jpg

Last Monday started out like any other day. Off to work in the morning, 2.5-3 hour lunch, Day filled with BBS-surfing and acting like I was doing complicated engineering work any time someone would stick their head in my cube by grabbing my HP 48GX calculator and cursing Plank’s constant to hell. Yes, this would be a typical Monday, or so I thought. Read on to know, THE REST OF THE STORY.

Just a week or so before that fateful Monday I sent Metsfan a nice care package filled with some of the choicest dog rockets aged in wood Jose Marti tubes lined with AstroGlide. To ease the burden of the dog rockets I was kind enough to throw in an Opus, I didn’t want to be all-bad. Little did I know those Iowa boys can hold a grudge, and to them revenge is a dish NOT best served cold… but in true Iowa fashion immediate and decisive action must be taken. For that fateful Monday, the 28th of January I came home only to be greeted by an innocent looking red/white/ and blue package from Grand Rapids. Inside this priority mail package laid a Balsa wood box only a dead canary would be, well, caught dead in. 6 ill-fitted wood panels cut as straight as Ellen Degeneres’s sex drive were bonded together with what look like cheap green masking tape. The Balsa wood carried the words “New Cubana; King Extra: 20 Havanas hand made in Indonesia” branded onto the top like the box was the ass end of a Texas steer. Even scarier was the sticker on the side proclaiming “100% Pure Tobacco” and “No Preservatives”. I flipped the box to the other side expecting to find the vitamin C and Malto-Dextrin content, but alas I came disappointed to find poorly sketched man lighting a cigar contorting his arm in a way that only someone with multiple compound fractures could do.

I found the perfect opportunity to smoke these beauties the next Saturday. It was the Rolex 24 hours of Daytona, and what better way to celebrate very loud cars keeping you up all night then by lighting up a small New Cubana figurado.

I first took the cigar out Saturday morning. In the daylight without any beers in me the mangled and disfigured wrapper did not look palatable. I put the cigar back in the box and suddenly had images of poop flying out of the bowl returning to the butt hole. I never said I wasn’t prone to acid flashbacks…

Late that night after a beer or two the mood felt right. It was dark enough outside so that passers-by may mistake this little perfecto for a Short Story. Not wanting to go through this pain by myself I passed out some of the cigars to my friends (including Pod and brownc4 on this board). I look the cigar out and tested the pre-cut end. The draw was really tight and almost unmanageable. I snipped off a bit of the cigar and tried to get another draw. Still no luck. After repeating this scenario 4 times and having cut off 75% of the cigar I gave up on this one and went to another one. (Un) lucky for me the next one had a manageable draw. Volume of smoke was descent. To tell you the truth after smoking all day my tongue was burnt out and I really couldn’t taste a thing with the draw or finish. What I did notice was a lingering aftertaste. A film of bile-like substance covered the inside of my mouth as if I has run my tongue over the dark areas of Roseanne Barr-nold’s body that the wash cloth could not find. Everyone smoking the New Cubana walked around smocking their lips together like they had just swallowed a mouth full of chalk dust. The non-cigar smoker partaking of this Indonesian leaf proclaimed, that when drinking a Coke, the cigar tasted like Peanut butter.

http://www.mindspring.com/~jine/New_Cubana.jpg
(yes, it’s a different picture)
I give this cigar a rating of Q+. Does the rating make sence? No, but neither does this cigar. I have no idea what to make of this monster, but I could not bring myself to demonstratively blast the thing for being vile and disgusting either. I’ll just chalk this one up and one of those life experiences that every herfer should go through. And now you know, THE RET OF THE STORY.

-Jin “Burnt Tongue” E
JinE is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 03:35 PM.