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Old 05-15-2003, 03:11 PM   #1
stogiesmoker00
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,366
The Sports Guy Stock Report

I thought some of these where pretty damn funny and true so I had to share:

The NBA ... for shattering its own record for "most fishy calls in one game," during the watershed Game 3 of the Minnesota-L.A. series. It's hard to pick one favorite, but I think I have to go with the fast break in OT where Wally Szczerbiak ran alongside Kobe Bryant, allowed him to have the layup, HELD HIS HANDS IN THE AIR TO SIGNIFY THAT HE WASN'T FOULING HIM, and they still called a foul on him. Just a surreal game. Remember when the Nazis were getting all the calls against the Allies down the stretch in "Victory"? That's what this game was like. They should show it again on ESPN Classic's new series "Great Fixed Games of the Kobe-Shaq Era."

To the best rumor of the playoffs ... that Pippen, Malone AND MJ are all playing in LA next season. As the story goes, Pippen and Malone would split the free-agent exemption, MJ would sign for the one-year veteran's minimum, and David Stern would do about 800 backflips. Imagine that starting five with Shaq and Kobe? On an 82-game schedule, ABC would somehow stick them on national TV 154 times.

Phil Jackson ... can somebody get this man away from Kobe before his body completely falls apart?

Those NBA ads where Paul Simon sings that "I'm gonna watch you shine" song. You know, my head is shining -- I just slammed it against my desk because I can't get that freaking song out of my head. Whatever happened to the good old days of the "NBA is Fannnnn-tastic!" ads, when the Pointer Sisters were singing "I'm so excited!" and Worthy and MJ were dunking over everybody? Now cuddly Paul Simon ballads are supposed to whet my appetite for playoff basketball? I will now light myself on fire.

Jack Nicholson ... apparently he's taken his "Drunk and somewhat delirious guy in sunglasses at the awards shows" persona and merged it with his "Guy at the Lakers game" persona. He's about two more vodka-and-tonics away from pulling a Calvin Klein at the Staples Center. Hey, not that we'd be against it. (IMO, this guy is cool and a true Laker fan!)

The NBA ... for what they're about to do with Game 6 of the Lakers-Spurs series tonight. The tentative officials for tonight's game: Dick Bavetta, Earl Hebner and James Worthy.


There's more but these had me going pure entertainment
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