Padron Alternative Toro

[Cigary43]

This will be my first review on here and have done quite a few on other forums. As I continue any others I will make the effort not to repeat those that have already been done.

I was going to do my review the way I do my others with a step by step analysis of this cigar like what lighter I used, cut, beverage etc. Forget it as I just need to jump right into this.

Initial taste after lighting: Hay bale that had been out in the the sun somewhere in Bakersfield, California during the summer,,,maybe all summer.

Draw: a bit light and "off" as if there was a small hole in your straw if you were sucking/drawing on it. This should have been a pre curser to me.

Burn: Almost razor like burn,,,go figger.

Retrohale: I did this about 4 times off and on thru the first half just so I could get a sense of where this was coming from...137 nose hairs gave their lives because of my callous disregard for them.

First 2 inches and I am still waiting for that Padron-esque flavor to show itself. After leaving the cigar for a moment and coming back I wanted to see how the cigar smoke smelled inside the garage where I was smoking this----almost smelled like a cigar if it was made out of dried Bounty Paper Towels----that caught fire---which if it indeed was the "Quicker Picker Upper" it would have at least extinguished itself and wiped it's own a$$ and thrown itself into the garbage.

I'm now into the 2-4 inch part of this,,,,thing that calls itself a cigar. No Change-WTF! I went back into the house leaving it to burn and got a big shot of Baileys and took a swig--just to get another taste of something--anything! Came back into the garage where it smelled now of dried tree limbs. I'm starting to think of things like where did my dogs take a dump today and where it could be found as it was probably drying out as well but still a bit fresh---should I go find some of it and apply a thin type of "poultice" to the outside wrapper of this cigar so I could at least get some kind of "earthy" smell or taste to this? I'm literally amazed that 4 inches into this cigar that it's still dry and maybe even getting drier. It most surely is drier because I now have no saliva in my mouth as it has taken all moisture from the inside of it. How can this be? I feel like I am smoking a cigar where they were able to take the literal ash from it and then made a cigar from the ashes--F'n incredible! Here is more irony, this thing is burning like a razor and solid like there is rebar inside of this thing....ahhhhh....another taste I forgot to add to this,,burnt rebar.

The wife just poked her head into the garage and asked me WTH am I doing,,,putting out a fire? She says the smell is reminiscent of one of those fire logs you buy at the hardware store ( wax ) that you put into the fireplace--after it's been burnt for a week. I try to answer but I can't bring up enough spit into my mouth to say anything because my cheeks are stuck to the sides of my mouth and my teeth and my tongue are dehydrated to the point where it tastes like micro-waved bacon that was cooked for 10 minutes on HIGH. So, I answer her with my middle finger and she slams the door shut.

I'm almost down to the last third and I can't do this anymore. I feel like I smoked tree bark off of a tree that grows in hell. I don't remember who "gifted" me this thing but I am considering bringing in a forensics team to find something that could help me find the culprit.

I may have found the worse cigar--EVER!