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Old 01-23-2002, 10:35 PM   #1
JinE
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Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: War Eagle Country, Alabama
Posts: 302
The Cigar: Warhol Toro by Felipe Gregorio
Grade: F

http://www.mindspring.com/~jine/Warhol.JPG

Andy Warhol (Andrew Warhola) was born on August 6, 1928 in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania. He is considered by many to be the most influential American artist of the second half of the 20th century. Warhol's signature style used commercial silk-screening techniques to create identical, mass produced images on canvas with variations in color to give each print of an edition a different look.

Parallels can be made between Warhol’s art and the boom years of the cigar industry. Cigar makers used commercial cigar making techniques to create identical, mass produced cigars with variations in color, banding, and marketing to give each cigar vitola a different look. To the uneducated a painting and a cigar can seem quite simple.

Filler, binder, wrapper; Canvas, paint, brush.

With only three ingredients how hard can it be to make a good cigar? No one can argue that it’s pretty hard to f^#k Jell-O, cereal, or grits, but a cigar is not that simple. Cigars are an art form, the leaves a canvas in which the torcedores paints his vision of flavors, body, and tastes. With all that has been said so far about cigars and art, how could one of the premiere artists of our time put his name on such a complete atrocity of a cigar? (Answer is he was dead, or if he were not dead when this cigar came out he surely would have been after putting this vile piece of garbage in his mouth)

The cigar appeared to be well made. It could be said that the wrapper is Bryant Gumble light in color. The wrapper was quite smooth with little or no tooth. I tried to shove the whole cigar in my mouth to get a good feel of how it feels in my mouth (a-la TBONZ). This particular vitola was too large and initiated my anti-homosexual gag response. I guess I will say that the cigar did not feel good in my mouth, and felt more at home in my hand. At this point I should have quit while I was ahead and threw the minion of Diablo into the round filing cabinet, but no one likes a quitter, and quitters never win.

Xikar, torch, waft, sniff, gag. I passed the cigar over to Pod to help me identify the smell. After watching him crinkle his nose in woe, I knew I would be in for a long evening. The aroma could best be described as the aroma of wet dog intermingled with a grease fire. I have been tricked before by cigars that had the smell of perfection and the taste of suppository, maybe this one would taste better then the bouquet would suggest?

I will preface this section of the review by stating that I have NEVER thrown a cigar out because it tasted bad. I once smoked a Burmese Cheroot, and followed it immediately with a Tabantillas (and I nubbed both). Burt Reynolds, Tamborils, Mickey Rooney, Bad Frog, Santa Marias, Monti 444’s… I’ve done them all without a flinch. Today, the Warhol has bested me. I worked on the toro for about 5 minutes. Each time the finish would leave a film of disgusting bile in my mouth. I passed it over to Pod (who, I think was secretly enjoying watching me torture myself with this cigar) to let him taste the beast. He summarized this review in only three words:

“Man, that’s bad”

At his suggestion I tossed the cigar into the trashcan, and grabbed a decent cigar so that I could enjoy mild weather we were having today. As a public service announcement I implore you, do not put Andy Warhol’s stick in your mouth… it really could kill you in more ways then one.

-Jin “Where’s the Listerine!” E
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